Here comes the small one 06/09/2023

06/09/2023 - Another milestone that has opened a new chapter of life. 

7 am: 

It was janmashtami, we knew we wont be decorating house or be part of celebration this year as i had OT booked for 4:30 pm the same day. 38th week 4 days, i had a big heavy moving live soul, tempting to come out in open. I cooked breakfast, some nuts for fast and had prantha aalu as last meal before starting for hospital. Cashew was crying as she knew next 5 days, i will be away, we kept soothing her with a mixed emotion of brnging her sibling back home. Imagining another little twirly toylike baby in our arms was next to impossible, but this was going to be true soon. I was afraid, bit of palpitation , happy but stunned thinking of pains and gains of next few days. 

10:00 am 

We started for hospital, on the way got video calls from neha priya and nitin. with me were best wishes of all we did formalities for admission. As it was janmashtami, craze was all around to have krishna being born in house, 27 deliveries to happen that day, hospital staff was loaded with sudden crowd of deliveries that day. 

1:00 pm 

Sonu arrived and i felt hungry, we went to a eatery nearby, i wasnted to eat all tasty things before OT, i asked for veg Puff, sonu went to fetch it, Suddenly someone in red shirt, a little tired hefty man asked me, you have OT booked for today, we affirmed, he said you cant eat 6 hours before OT, its dangerous. I remebered a movie we recently watched over te same topic, a kid dies during appendix surgery as he ate something before surgery. We called our doctor and understood she forgot to instruct us for this.. 

3:00 pm 

I with that large tummy in black W kurti with pastel green bathroom slippers, went to preliminary investigation room, Mohit in his red t shirt and blue pant with files in hand stayed outside room, i wore hospital dress and slippers. I was shaved and urine tested. Now i was lying in bed waiting for a call from OT room. While being in bed i felt sad and angry for not getting a chance to have bar B q american corn a day before. 

A day before: 

I knew next 40 to 50 days after child birth i will be on holistic diet which suits new born's breastfeeding mother. I knew it would be ceassarion after all my efforts for normal delivery. It has been all 9 months i wanted to be loose for last 2 days and eat all things i love roam places i wanted to. I craved for papdi chaat and american corn Mohit took me to "Red Hot Chilly Pepper" restaurant due to lack of time and i agreed reticently. 

3:30 pm 

While waiting on hospital bed, i felt urge to tell mohit, that i wanted to say NO for other restaurant. I agreed unwillingly. Why less assertive people are not understood clearly? I wanted to tell him before going further.. I felt What on earth i am thinking when i was going to be under major andominal surgery in few minutes, but i stood up and went out of room looking for him to tell him same. I saw his back, he was talking to a nurse far away in hospital corridopr, i waited for him to turn, he went to lift and went away from my sight. 

 4:00 pm 

They tied my hair, gave me a hair cap, shifted me on stretcher and i started scrolling outside, i saw mohit, i was crying, i said why you were not there outside room when you promised to stay outside waiting room. I said i am afraid and i had tears... i moved on .. i saw Mohit last time and he said "congratulations for being mother again" waving his hand to me .. 

4:10 pm 

I was among bunch of such stretchers being shifted in and out of room, i was in a corner, was checked again and taken in. I saw my anasthesist last and told her to tell doctor to note baby's birth time correctly as instructed by my mother.. Thats all i remember last. 

4:40 pm. 

I was awake.. i cried i screamed loudly .. i held some nurse's hand tightly, one left me i held another's hand I told everyone its paining.. I heard mohit, its a boy i said "how can a boy come out of me" i heard cashu saying chotuu in a mobile phone's video. I was taken to a shared room, for recovery in a corner was my bed. 

5:00 pm. 

I saw the lady beside me complaining for fan being slow while i was liking cozy environment, i was lying silenltly felt very difficult to move a inch but i was quiet. They broght baby to me at night asked me to give him feed. i could not sense any motherhood love but was surprised to connect to a little joy again. 

10:00 am next day. 

I asked a nurse to give me her phone to call my husband, i could

talk to him, he was trying to arrange a single room for me. At 12:00 i was shifted to separate room. From here started excruciating pain journey for 5 days, Sometimes mohit and sometimes Mother in law with me.. Difficult to eat, difficult to sit, very difficult to move get up and even go for loo or pee.. Days went, i recovered and we came back with little one to home on 10/9/2023 

10/9/2023: 

We reached home, i was still looking pregnant my tummy was out, i had a japawali maid ready to look after me and that little baby all on me. Family was exhilarated and everyone was joyful seeing that little cuteness packed in blue hospital onesie. Here we started our journey of interrupted nights, recurrent cries, rare smiles, colic treatments, and smallest thing god can made in human form. its 17/11/2023 today, meeshu is 2 months and few days old. I have started understanding his variety of cries and ask behind.

I have carried him close to my chest for hours in the baby carrier. 

I have been waking up with his first call for many nights and single-handedly loving him all throughout the next day. I have got no joint which does not ache. I enrolled for a yoga class which i am unable to join for my maids all ran away and no helping hand to rely on. 

He is growing little by little every day, He has started searching for me all over. Nani asks what he does all day, piya masi crazy for meeting him in December. 

Everyone reminds me to live this divine blessing of raising a human being when he needs me most.!!

Imagine being his sole source of life day and night. He cries and forces a feeding position on my feeding pillow even in stark darkness. Sometimes it's so amusing to see his intelligence in grabbing nipple instantly as it opens up. Its a journey where i am full of awe love surprise and extremely amused on prrof of godliness in this little piece of sweetness. 

People claim they understand him well, i don't. People love/take him at will which i dont. People suggest me things he like and he doesn't which is strange. He is loved a lot by everyone around. 

Everyone seems to be in race to prove to be his favorite but he looks for me every hour to clutch tightly on me and staring at me sideways with little musical coos ..

He feeds and seems to be communicating his thanks .. sometimes plays there and waits for me to scold on this. Its a wonderful time and i pray everyone gets a chance to feel this. 

I am thankful for all help and support from hospital nurses, to my husband, to my in laws, to my sisters.. and to my mother .. 

Sorry I was busy.

Starting my day at 5.30 am energetically, followed by waking up my daughter and leaving house at exact 7.30 am with packed tiffin, breakfast, fruits nuts hanging in tupperwares all around me.

From there meeting schedulers, work commitments, expiring reminders, kathak class, weekend zumbas, physiotherapy, spiritual discourses, latest addiction to statistics and my life was running at high pace with high hopes and disappointments which went altogether.

This saturday after my zumba class, i got applauded for possessing incomparable energy and then i felt creeping headache and lethargy by afternoon. Sunday felt feverish.. The first worry was of important commitments for Monday which i did not want to miss.

Monday came, i took a day's leave from office reluctantly, promised some delay in my work. Tuesday i was diagnosed with malaria and i was off.

There were phases i went through during this 1 month when i was absent from everyone life who was associated to me.

Malaria did not cure, it came along with an accomplice which got revealed after 12 days of fever, that's Typhoid. I encountered worst fever cycles, bursts of stomach cramps, sleepless shivering under blankets, painful channeling and i surrendered myself slowly to this slowdown of life that one night.

Initially first few days, i grumbled for missing a conference, few work opportunities. Slowly i chartered a list of people i had grudges against for not showing enough sympathy as per my expectations. All this went away that night when i watched that wall clock and its lethargically moving hands whole night.

My 103.8F fever was not coming down and hospital was adamant on not giving any more paracetamol. They experimented with ice bath, ice bed, ice pillow, ice armpit block all that to ensure i suffer from cold and cough additionally that night.

I realized, emptiness of everything i had till date. Those freezing restless feet, with fever rising on head, everything else seemed worthless than those soft hands of someone rubbing my feet at midnight so that i could breath normally for few moments.

I felt its so many days i am absent from my work, my books, my health sessions, my classes and my family. It used to give me tonnes of stress to miss any of these even for a day. I am ABSENT and freely lying in that bed.
I was ABSENT and everything was still fine. Nothing broke, Nothing waited, Nothing felt me as important as i felt i was for all these.

My team at work found alternates, my friends felt my absence was nothing noticeable, my parents/siblings had heard enough busy stories from me that they felt it usual, my daughter accommodated with love others gave and things adjusted to my absence much sooner than i could imagine.

Did i feel sad, bad ? Actually i felt free. I felt good!!

It was like i forgave everyone from my grudges list, it felt worthless to shelter it anymore.
I loved people who were there for me helping me to heal.

In those lighter moments i enjoyed a reminders free life. A reckless, directionless, hopeless, a bit of life full of just life.
I watched TV without caring for endless hours getting wasted in slothful activities.

I realized, i am not a indispensable piece in life's zigsaw puzzle. It all will run, will go smooth and soon the gap will be filled....

Things don't need me to be worried and active to take care of them all the time. Its okay if i delay a mail's response for some time, it all went smooth without me for 30 days. Its okay if i take rest.

I realized though my work helps me financially, but that soft touch is precious when needed in life. That love and care which is there in loved ones is most valuable and should be valued in fine days too.

I wanted to call a few lost friends, wish some of them a happy birthday for past years i missed, i replied to a few wtsapp pending messages after long and i wished a few to get well soon.

I felt playing throw and catch with my daughter again was nothing less than a blessing, i thanked with tears for digesting my first bite of parantha after starving for days, i felt sleeping with family, getting a painless full stomach sleep was a boon.

I realized, life has expanse beyond than my own made boundaries.

i can stay light and just love and live.

"Man of the house"

Definition in dictionary says "the most important male member of a family, who is responsible for doing things such as paying bills, making important decisions etc"

Who is man of the house? When there are working woman earning well hand in hand who is Man of the house? Why when a woman sharing financial burden to run a house, still society perceives woman as an associated financial entity working for fun?

Isn't it sad to know this is the way a woman is perceived after all this hard work.

I got hold of diary of a working woman, lets see glimpses from a routine day's scribbled notes of hers...

As compared to my male peers, Its much harder, more alert, more disciplined, healthily, on schedulers and reminders,
i live my day with multi-fold facets of duties to handle, just to perform at par in my workplace ?

I have educated, smart, new generation modern men all around me today. I am surrounded by men, who have been with working women, in all fields from aviation to construction sites.

But i still have men who eats like me but waits for someone to cook. I still have men out of them who when finds a messy house, looks at someone with disappointment.
I still have men who take their career decisions freely which I follow and it's well accepted in society without a hitch.
I still have men who when take care of their own child in my absence, expect a "big thank" in return.
I still have men who don't know where things are kept in their "own" homes.
I still breath in a society where creches are only women employee's "first demand and biggest relief", despite of the fact that each of those
children have a working father too.

It's not an easy world for me as a working woman and when i juggle somehow among all these and then if i perform well in my workplace, i am not graded well because same men are there too somewhere.

I am not an individual instead i am an associated entity to a man.

Its difficult to understand not only by society even by my family and parents, WHY do "I" require that coveted position or remuneration when i am just an additional source of income to house.

And I am not here to blame only men for this lopsided structure of society.

If this men world alone had to be rewired.. It would have been lot easier, its roots are deeper..
because this system is running on shoulders of women like me itself in different roles..

I will share a short story here to highlight my thought..

Nikhil one of my relative stays in guwhati in a joint family. He is most adorable son, a good husband and father of 3 kids.
He has revered & pampered his mother till last days and considered wife and kids as his secondary responsibility.
One day his eldest daughter got married and soon she was expecting a kid. You what she earnestly prayed to god..??
She diligently prayed day and night " to have a son who is just like her father ......"

Thats is opportunistic duality in our womanhood. Lets try to avoid it in relationships at home and at workplace.

lets be good to us and also to ones like us.
lets not just wish us women's day instead be justified to us in all forms around us.
lets stop being judgemental to ones not like us.
"lets teach and train our sons and brothers first before telling it to our husbands.
lets wear equality robe in all roles..
lets not be situationally and rationally equal.
lets love our kind as a whole and teach others same.

A very happy women's day.

19/11/2013 - The day that changed my life altogether..

I delivered a baby girl ..

Thats a close recollection of what i went through in this most amusing experience of life..
It was 18th nov 2013, the date i was preparing hospital bag for getting admitted for planned C-section to occur on next morning. C section, doc already declared a week ago, was the only safe option, in hand now, which we reluctantly agreed.

-18/11/2013 - 1:00 pm
Thinking that food options would be very restricted in few coming days ..
I had sevpuri puchka and meetha kadhu my favorite parantha before leaving for hospital

We arrived at hospital. I wore yellow embroidred kurti, flaunting my full term tummy..lost in expectations to see the little creation outside soon..

I got admitted to a shared room, deluxe room were all packed. This means no one could stay with me that night.
My room mate was a lady, who got operated the day before and was groaning with pain ..
Her throat wasn't clear her voice was heavy .. i saw her through a curtain, used to separate us ..
she was muslim and delivered a baby girl and seems she caught cold..

My anasthesist came to meet me. .. She was a sweet spoken and chini mini fair skinned lady ..
By this time, I had started getting goosebumps for next day's thoughts ..
and she was a gentle warmth over this fear. She decided to give me General Anasthesia..

and While leaving the room she turned and asked "do you want a boy or a girl"?

I knew its a boy for me.. "knew" means all different symptoms people knew, to guess a boy or a girl, were hinting a "boy" for me.

She said "Girls are forever with you even if they go away" and I knew/felt and always understood the truth of this sentence from my own relation ship with my mother ..

A sudden sadness groped me .. as i was going to have a boy and mostly i won't take other chance of having 2nd child.. That means i won't ever feel lifetime friendship that a daughter offers to her mother...
I slept with this lurching feeling of sadness ..

19/11/2013 - 7 am
It was my birthday ...
I was woken up, took bath, did my prayers and called my husband on phone. They were about to reach hospital.

A nurse came before operation, gave me one antibiotic injection.. which made me sneezy suddenly..
I sneezed badly, my eyes watered, i felt feverish ..
I guess, i got appropriate tearfilled look to enter in OT...........:)

I was put on stretcher, which was now rolling towards OT. I saw a glimpse of husband and others ..
Now, The only thing i wanted was him to accompany me there..

(We had discussed it many times, i always requested him to be there with me in OT. He used to resist with a reason that he won't be able to bear the site of me getting operated..)

While i was being rolled on stretcher to OT i asked him slowly .. "Would you come? "
"naaa.." he said ..
As always i could not ask more than what he willfully gives me, i accepted and moved on ..

"Hi nidhi" said my anasthesist, i had started liking her more than my gyanec.
Sometimes a small conversation with someone, leaves such a cozy impression that it seems, you are connected more than this little apparent visit.

"How are you, oh baby you caught cold what happened, do you need otrivian?.." She asked while keeping one hand on my forehead...

"This injection caused this sneeze, last time i was cured by alagra tablet, no otrivian causes blockage i am allergic.." I replied hastily, while being shifted to operation table..

"very nice patient, very obedient, very nice hubby ..love marriage is it ?" i heard, someone said that ....

I was glad to hear that ..
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
I was hearing chit chat around me, i am surprised i again slept like i always sleep during different scans ..
Thank god i woke up .. they were still chatting and had not started yet, i thought.
.
I felt excruciating pain in lower abdomen, i tried to move but could not, my arms like tied up.. my throat jammed..
i tried to speak again "ghhh aghh "
"congratulations, its a baby girl" i heard ..someone tapped my cheek and went away...

"help help " i said

"massage" i said again

"my throat, hands" i said again

They untied my hands and held my arm.. i lifted other hand and held a hand ..
I held it tight .. as if conveying the amount of pain, that i was feeling in abdomen.

They started taking me out of OT on stretcher, i was screaming with pain.. saw Husband again ..
I could not respond what i felt.. I just let my eyes closed and was dealing with pain only ..
Someone showed me a mobile pic of first look of my daughter ..I had a look .. and again closed eyes...

I was alive in thoughts, but was not able to respond even with a smile..
I thought, there had been so many times, we(me and husband) together thought how would this day be ..
"Its there today, its so painful, i can not enjoy this feeling of motherhood.. rather i don't feel anything at the moment..."

then someone injected a pain killer injection and i went asleep...

till the next day when they called me for first Feeding session.

A piece of advice ...

Advice for girls: When someone is romantically involved with you.... see his 'words' to judge his 'intentions' ; but pay attention to see his 'actions' to judge his 'commitment' towards intentions .

she was alone on road .... part 2

"What's not right piyal? Please stop crying. I will leave you at home safely. No need to worry. I will talk to Ajeet if you say.. ",Jatin tries to calm her.

"Jatin, dont you understand anything? Please dont meddle with my life anymore. We can not continue with it. Its has no existence now in my life. Try to understand.." says piyal with tearful eyes looking into jatin's eyes which have got blood red cracks on piyal's reaction.

"Who says it has no existence? Don't I exist? Don't you? if we exist then it has to exist..",Jatin shakes piyal holding her both arms to make her at least think of his argument.

"Jatin, If you don't understand, you will spoil my life. do you want that?"piyal questions him while pleading him "you have to move ahead and walk in some direction which doesn't coincide with mine. Can you give me that Jatin?"piyal asks hard question so hard to break Jatin into tears. Jatin is not crying like piyal, he
starts sweating as its seen from his wet shirt.

"No, Piyal dont do this to me, we will be friends as you had asked. Just be my friend for this life. I cant imagine to live that life without you again. You dont need to change. Just dont go away. I got the life in my days seeing you again. I was like piyal i was like.." Jatin wipes his sweat from dripping from nose with both hands roughly.
"a man who is working day and night but knowing nothing about what for, But today i have you, i know its you i want to fulfil life of....." Jating smiles while crying simultaneously and looks at pyal with fiery red eyes full of love & passion.

"Are you in your senses Jatin ..." Piyal shouts loud oblivious of people staring at her.
"I am married damn it ..Its an old chapter. Dont behave like that "piyal clutches his hand in her both hands and presses them while urging.

"What about our marriage?" asks Jatin.

Rain has stopped by now.
"Our marriage? Jatin what do you mean by that" Piyal gives a puzzled questioning look. Her hair have dried now and are waving with fast wind blowing across her face.

"Piyal, dont you remember piyal, we married once on jaggu uncle's roof and we pledged we are married from then and you will never leave me hereafter" Jatin says with most innocence seemingly forgotten of world around them. He is requesting just as a child begs for his favorite toy with every right or wrong appeal.

"Jatin, its not real what you are living in. I am married to Ajeet and i have to go he is waiting for me" Piyal collects herself while she looks around for taxi.

she was alone on road...Part1

Part I.

Today again a fight with sister in law has perplexed piyal. The day went with excitement as Jatin hinted that piyal will get hike and change of grade this time.

She just had shared news at home. Everyone reacted in their most predictable own ways.Father in law still thinks getting bonus still not enough a reason to justify coming home late, Mother in law wants to support but doesn't have courage to say openly. She changes to casuals and goes straight into kitchen to cook for all.

"so bhabhi has come in time today ?" voice comes from verandah .."
seems reetu is at home thinks piyal..

"yes, it was a hike day, we left early.." replied piyal trying to be as short as possible in her reply.
"we, bhabhi, who all are with you ..when you leave early ?" said reetu coming out of verandah and looking towards mother while taking petties from fridge.

Reetu has this remarkable habit picking out some element of interest from any mundane sentence, she hears and here she noticed an innocent "we" .

"no one, we in our team , all left early today.." ..said piyal , taking out chapati box from upper shelf in kitchen, while standing on stool and it slipped from her hand..
"oh , carefully bhabhi, you have to go to office tomorrow. People coming occasionally to kitchen have this trouble ..isnt it bhabhi .." ritu said.

"hmm.." piyal overlooked the most apparent sarcasm and continues kneading the dough, seeing at clock in between, as ajeet will come by 9 and she wants to be free of all chores by then.

"so bhabhi, how is it you get special bonus every year ?" asks reetu ..poking piyal.
Its not rewarding as per reetu's standards that she sent "a poisoned arrow" and opponent just had his protection foam to absorb it, and not replyig back ..she threws another ..

Reetu, once saw piyal with her boss Jatin, at CCD, that fact is not digested by reetu till date. Reetu talked to Ajeet about it , but Ajeet got convinced by piyal's
reason, overlooked the matter that day and there the story remained unconcluded for reetu.

"its, work reetu, those who sit idle and just talk are not the ones who get bonus." taunts piyal in high voice, irritated of reetu's indirect comments, gives back a straight hit.

"Then, do you mean, me ajeet , reetu are the ones who sit idle ? " says father while coming out of balcony as if waiting for chance to contribute, jumps into as he finds chance..

"see papa,How bhabhi is taunting us, when i know the truth behind her all monthly /weekly bonuses, let me not open it up .. " says reetu while sobbing in between.
Reetu is trying hard to get a job after diploma.No one has ever taunted her on face, like piyal did now.

"ask her papa, why she comes so late , None of my friends come that late from their offices.." shouts reetu asking an explanation .

"who of her friends work at MNC, How could she compare culture of her friends, who are just teacher/assistant with my work culture.?" piyal hits back stopping gas and comes out of kitchen.

"Piyal, you and your MNC, this disgusting work culture is not sought in our home , stop taunting !!" shouts father at top of his voice.

"Please stop crying reetu, what has happened in just 2 minutes.. " mother runs towards her from other room.

phone rings "bhaiya will come late today , He is stuck in some meeting " says raju a helper who attended ajeet's call.

Piyal suddenly feels alone, ajeet wont be coming in time and reetu will create best scene she can.

She gets out of kitchen goes straight to door and goes out of house. She is not sure about what she will be doing next. The only thing she knows is she can not stay here. She presses lift's button and while its coming to her floor, she presses it repeatedly. Reetu is still sobbing, seeing her going, mother asks father to go and bring her back but father moves on his sofa and looks other side, ignoring , as his arrogance has made his feet heavy.
Lift comes, piyal enters , doesnt look back , presses G ground floor is there.
"where to go.." unable to think of anything Piyal keeps walking on adjacent road.

Its raining heavily , she has not carried umbrella even and going back for taking umbrella doesnt match with unplanned exit of hers.
Wearing night translucent kurti of white color & green flowery pyjama and chappal makes her a sight worth to be stared at in rain.
Some time gents don't mind staring at women even if it means getting hit at road, missing signal going from red to green or slowing down to an extent that there remains no difference in cyclist and motorist.

"Should she have left like that ?" she thinks "should i call him and tell , he will ask me to go back..no use", thinks piyal while crossing road to the other side of road for shed.
"He will come late only, i will go back by then" she waits there under a shed ..looks around .
Its around 9 pm
"do you want something madam ?" shopkeeper behind him asks while closing shutters.
"no its okay, nothing " saying that piyal gets aside ..the last shed she was getting is also closed.
piyal keeps waiting for rain to stop, she can not go anywhere ...
Its raining she checks mobile , fumbles but soon realizes it got wet in rain and is not working. She is in known area but not being able to contact ajeet is not good at this situation.
"bheegi bheegi raato mein...la la la"..a voice comes from behind ..a mid aged man with tightly oiled hair, round face wearing white kurta pyajama and big jumbo black umbrealla crosses piyal from behind "aisa lagta hai , tum banke saawan.. "sings man while looking at piyal from up to down. Piyal comes down from pedestrian and walks on road. She looks down at road while rain water dripping from her hair over her cheeks, her eye lashes after being wet seems to define her bold big eyes more prominently, her pink supple cheeks seems to match with pink embridered rose on her white night suit kurti. She is deep in her thoughts, forgets about rain, this incident has triggered all what was plugged inside. Deep in remembering one event after other she turns left.

'piyal...' Suddenly a voice comes from white car she just crossed.
She turns back, not expecting to find anyone known on the road now. She doesnt want to give explanation behind her roaming like that at nigh to anyone.
'piyal wait ..' a man comes out of car towards her.
'piyal where are you going, do you need lift, its raining heavily..' says jatin
'No, its okay, i came to walk after dinner and it started raining' piyal thinks quickly of something.
'Its okay , come i will leave at home' says Jatin, while going to throw his bowl of 'aloochat' in dustbin.
"Its okay, i am fine " piyal refuses flatly, taking lift from Jatin at this point will aggravate matter at home.
"mera piya ghar aaya oh raam ji ...ting ting ting ", Jatin's phone rings.
"hello, yeah its Jatin, whos this .. "Jatin speaks on phone, while asking piyal to wait for a minute.
"Yes she is here, she.. " he looks at piyal ..then says something ..

Jatin comes back to piyal.
"who was this" piyal asked instantly as he comes back after call.

"its ajeet, he tells he is trying to reach you, but your phone is not reachable,
i confirmed him you are safe and i have assured him i will leave you at home ....." that is last favor which piyal was seeking from Jatin.
Sometimes its so confusing and surprising to know that a man doesn't understand anything or he understands everything still behaves so childishly.
"How will a husband like her wife to be with jatin at this time in this rain " asks piyal to himself afraid of ajeet's reaction.

"has he reached home? If he has reached home, then reetu has all his ears thats the worst that can happen to me. It will be almost impossible to convince him now, when he has found me with jatin now."
Last time he trusted piyal as she made him believe that Jatin & her at CCD was just a coincidence. How could she say its actually a coincidence now. Piyal thinks all in one moment. Her head seems heavy, she starts crying out of fear. Tears starts rolling out of her eyes instantly.
"What happened, dont worry i will leave you safely at home, is there anything to worry about , why are you crying? " asks Jatin puzzled holds her arm and wipes one tear of her face.
"Jatin.."piyal takes his hand away and sees around, a woman looking at piyal while having her golgappa in big opened mouth. Staring at a crying wet beauty has become more essential than gulping big golgappa going inside the mouth.

"Piyal, is it related to us ?"asks Jatin suspecting her continuous unexpected tears after phone call.
"Jatin you remember CCD? " asks piyal looking at blue grey strips of his shirt.
"Yes..i remember " Jatin says sadly again wiping her cheek and then placing a hair
back behind her ear.

"Its not right Jatin.."says piyal and bursts into crying. Her nose has gone red with rain and tears. She searches a tissue in pockets and Jatin offers her his handkerchief.

While Leaving Mumbai....

Once i scribbled here , perhaps the first post of my blog .. Entering Mumbai ..but never knew will write some day leaving mumbai too ..and the day has come ..am going to kolkata, they call it city of joy .

Before questioning why is it called city of joy when people for finding joy in life are leaving it everyday.Does it actually happens that they find the "sought joy" somewhere else or they keep searching it everywhere but it was lying back in city of joy !! Dats a question i feel every native of kolkata bengali or nonbengali (including My husband) is struggling to find answer to .Because of the peculiar patriotism of them , they will go to all parts of country or world discarding kolkata
totally for life But even after 50 years you ask them ..how is life ..They will plaintively say "Its naut that goood as waus in kolkota.."!!
and you cannot escape thinking what the lack has been in their life ..in these 50 years ..it seems all is well..


Now while leaving what i am taking with me are many learning i got to have in my initial bachelor days, spent here ..starting from very small like only from mumbai i learnt to ask rightfully, a man to leave seat , sitting on ladies seat in BEST bus.
to live life in totality, with all opportunities still opened, at any age for you.

The first thing generally people ay about mumbaikars "They are fast , no body has time for others" yes i agree !! But then i would say we really feel breach of our private space in cities where people have too much time.you can have real description of what is happening in my life from any one in neighborhood.
perhaps people in mumbai are not good at managing so many things together, to cope up with information about people around that these encycopedia people are .

no offences meant i liked mumbai so my post might seem biased but then i am human it has right to be biased for a place which i like ...:)