...just because i cant give that love to you.....

I am sad
Not because you behaved badly ....

I am sad because
I can not give you "That immense love ...."
which i could have given today....

I love you
But i dont love habbits /ways you possess ....

I am sad
as that air of love
which when crossed me first
before reaching you ....

could not start from here itself today ....


i am sad not because you behaved badly ...
its your concern

i am sad
because i am devoid of that immense love
i could have given you today .........

भूल से भूल हो गयी.........

ऐसा लगता है की
ऐसा सा लगता हैं की
खुद ही खुद को खुद ही के हाथो से
निकलते देख रही हूँ
खुद ही के हाथो से
फिसलते देख रही हूँ ...

संभाले ना संभल रही हैं
बस जिंदगी का दिया और ....
बाटी धीरे धीरे जल रही हैं
धीरे धीरे जल रही हैं
धीरे धीरे जल रही हैं .........

खुद ही की डोर जो हाथ से सरकती सरकती ..
रोकना चाह उछाल लगायी ...
भागी दौड़ी सब जान लगायी ..
संभाले ना वोह तब संभलती ...बस सरकती सरकती ...
ना जाने कब ........

बस पतंग को ढीले पड़ते हुए देखा ..
गिरते हुए धीरे धीरे कट कर
खुद की पतंग मैं देख रही हूँ ....
फिर लगता की .............

जब बाती में ज़िन्दगी से लड़ने की शक्ति थी ...
जब डोर हाथो में संभल सकती थी
तब ही उस दीपक तले ....
सपनो की चादर बुन लेती तो अच था ...
तब ही उस पतंग को आकाश की
असीम ऊंची दुनिया से मिलवाती तो अच्छा था



आज हवा चलेगी ..और बाती का तेल जलने लगेगा ..
कभी वर्षा शायद बाती को ....समय निकलने का एहसास दिलाने लगे .......
आज शायद ...हवा रुख पलट ले ...
और मेरी पतंग ...को समय के आगे झुकने का एहसास दिलाने लगे ...
और मुझे मेरी नासमझी में छूटी हुई लगाम का एहसास दिलाने लगे ..

भूल से भूल हो गयी
पर समय तो बस चलता ही रहता हैं
चलता ही रहता हैं ....वोह अपनी रफ़्तार में ...
फिर आवाज लगा कर मुझे पूछता की
तुम पीछे क्यों रह गयी ...
तुम पीछे क्यों रह गयी ...


बस मैं यही कह पायी की
भूल से भूल हो गयी ............
भूल से भूल हो गयी ............

irony that confuses ..

जहा सूखे घडो के ढेर को
लम्बी क़तर में मुह चिड़ाते
देखा प्यासी रोती सूखी आँखों ने
कुआ सूखा , नल है सूखा
चिलचिलाती धुप जलाती
गीली जीभ को भी सूखा रही है

सूखी घास पानी में गूंथे
बूखी रोती मुनिया , छाती पर बांधे
खाली बर्तन टन टन करते टंकार
कर्जा रुपी काली डायन , सीने पर कर रही झंकार
पर बापू किसान , चंद घंटे पहले
आत्महत्या का हुआ शिकार

सड़के कच्ची, बिजली न पहुंचे
भयंकर गरीबी जबड़ो में दबोचे
शिक्षा स्कूल ना समझे जरूरी
बीवी बचो संग , जम कर करो मजूरी ,

तब कोई कहता मेरा देश में कमी है
कमी देश में पानी की और अन्न की
और सबसे भारी कमी धन की ...

यह सच्चाई नहीं , पर है एक सरल बहाना
कमी कमी का डंका बजा कर , ५ साल तक कुर्सी ज़माना
प्रपंच गडा जाता है , कमी का भयंकर
भुवन भवन गगन चूमते , बनते जाते उनके समय पर

क्योंकि जहा एक तरफ का भारत प्यासा
दूजी तरफ है नग्न तमाशा
झुण्ड रैन डांस में नाचे
खेतो का पानी , पैसे वाले नाचने को खींचे

क्योंकि जहा एक तरफ का भारत भूखा
वही सड़कर गलकर ढेरो टन में
फेंका जाता कनक गट्टर में
जहा मुनिया रोये निवाले को एक
भर्ष्टाचार निगले वह मुनिया अनेक


जहा एक तरफ मेरा देश गरीब , कमी धन की जहा बड़ी है
खेलो का बहाना बनाकर , करोड़ो की लूट मची है

स्तादियम फ्ल्योवर ब्रिज और सड़के
पैसो की ज्यों बाड है आई , कहते खुद को फिर भी कड़के


कभी नाम पर चारे के ,कभी नाम पर बन्दूको के
कभी नाम पर खेलो के ,खाया खाया कितना खाया ,
लोभ की गोली खायी, और दुश्चरित्र के चूरन से सब पचाया

यु शर्म करे और सोचे खुद में

जवाब क्या देंगे गर पूछे
मुनिया किसना सुखिया हम से
क्या देश है तुम्हारी निजी जायदाद
लूटा खसोटा भेडियो सा , देख का बस अपना स्वार्थ

एक स्तादियम हजार करोड का
भर पायेगा क्या पेट हमारा

i love you

love you ........
but dont ask me if i loved
then why i m not there with you

then it hurts to think of all
and me alone here .. alone without you

still i can say i love you

what do i do
its so impossible to not think about you

what do i do
its tough to forget you
even for a minute ...
even when i am at work ..
even when i am not at work ..
life is giving continuous jerk
reminding of you ......

what do i do .......................
i have nothing else ...
than saying i love you

dont mistrust me , It hurts
i am alone, kindly learn ...
i am helpless now ...
wanting and losing other see ...

i question him ...
why do i have always cried...
dont i have right to get satisfied....

i will say ..you take care
that comes from my every breath
when i think of you ...
be safe and happy even if you are not here ...take care...

i love you , as far i know myself
i will love you ...as far as i know myself
may god help you ....

there hasnt been a single day,
when i have not done my all ..
in making your things best ,
tried to be a strength of yours ...
in spring and fall ....

thats what i feel ...
though from your side
it might not be something that can heal ...

kindly understand...
its time i need you ...
a lot more than ever ....
please be with me ....
i know you are away ...much more away
very far than ever ....

still maximum we can gift each other
is a continuous smile....
just because we love ....
so only we can smile .....
smile ............lets try to smile ...............

take care ....love you

i see you ....

i see you ..

i realize that when

your existence becomes easy
then i think of all things that are starry ;
things other than you seem more cheesy !!

but at a time

when your existence itself becomes
the highest i can ask for ......
then those lavish desires seem so useless
i have 'want' for ........

i see you when i sit alone there
on same table holding a glass of juice

i see you when i feel same smell in air
and wind blow in the same speed

i see you when i see colors suddenly around me
if ever i lift my face while walking down there ....

i see you when i cross the place you used to sit
and the stairs where you crossed me to go ahead

i see you , when i feel like holding an arm ,
just above the elbow , it was a bit rough out there
the roughness assured me that it was there .....


i see you , when i , suddenly stepped towards work
there was that bus you used to get down,
come towards me , in all fights even
waiting just there for me , with a smile as a crown !!

i feel you .. when i go back ,
suddenly find you are sitting there once a while ,
on some of the random seat ........
passing a smile ...........


i see you when its tough and heavy for my arms
i see you when there is not a single ear
to hear my qualms .................


i see you when my door opens suddenly , just before lunch
when there is no one to pay for my brunch

when its unknownness in each eye
i feel you were there when its too far you
just like that far moon in sky .................


but the difference is
you are now more with me in each moment
than you were ever before
as its
when your existence itself becomes
the highest i can ask for ......

a part of me ...

a part of me wants to cry aloud .
a part of me ..........

everytime i open eyes in conscience
a part of me seems deeply dumped in sadness...

a part of me is urging disobediently.. to forget and bring back the time....
its craving for a old normal day together....

a part of me without you is lonely even in stuffed crowd ..
It fears from facing even slightest jerk of life...

a part of me is throwing tantrums
to play hide and seek with times and demand to play only hide part .

a part of me is confused everytime i wake up ....
about why its aching with no visible wound there
and why my eyes are ready to get wet ....

a part of me cruelly fills me with disappointment dissatisfaction & anger
in a moment ...
from you sometimes ...from me but at last from my fate ....

a part of me is going away from me
leaving me alone , coz that part had priorities over me ...
it wants to be happy through something away from me...

a part of me wants to be coddled like so many times earlier
but with same eternal assurance as earlier.

a part of me is making me weak time and again ...is
unbearably leaking with tears in eyes

a part of me feels waste to cry now ...as things have permanently changed now.......

1)woh taiyaar hain sehne ko har gum, ek agli saans ki chah mein
aur hum hain ki har gum par, khudkushi kar rahe hai ..

2)when i want to talk -- i ask for your time my dear 
when we get  time, i ask for your mood to bear
when we have mood and time, i ask for your patience to hear
when we have time mood and patience ---

i say my deep grim story -- of my long caressed dreams --
not  only of career but also of relation love gleams

so long i waited silently for this moments when you are there
to be with my soul moaning for a friend from long with tears

then
when i find you angry on slightest of talk..
i feel like i have no one who is mine , here
i feel like you are leaving me alone there
i feel like keeping quiet wasn't that tough
the one i face now is more rough


again i go into silence
waiting for my dear friend, lost in woods of work & his duties

where from this anger has come
that has made you turn a deaf ear
to my call
where from this feeling come which
asks me to go very far, very very far instead of
longing to stay with you for whole life
till HIS call.


i feel like my love is no where now
i feel like i am there just like that, there now
i feel like its not the right way of life i lead
i feel like there is so much more we can have ..
so much has changed ,a little softer heart to understand
is all i NEED


i am alone , i will be left alone ,