Wednesday, January 29, 2014

19/11/2013 - The day that changed my life altogether..

I delivered a baby girl ..

Thats a close recollection of what i went through in this most amusing experience of life..
It was 18th nov 2013, the date i was preparing hospital bag for getting admitted for planned C-section to occur on next morning. C section, doc already declared a week ago, was the only safe option, in hand now, which we reluctantly agreed.

-18/11/2013 - 1:00 pm
Thinking that food options would be very restricted in few coming days ..
I had sevpuri puchka and meetha kadhu my favorite parantha before leaving for hospital

We arrived at hospital. I wore yellow embroidred kurti, flaunting my full term tummy..lost in expectations to see the little creation outside soon..

I got admitted to a shared room, deluxe room were all packed. This means no one could stay with me that night.
My room mate was a lady, who got operated the day before and was groaning with pain ..
Her throat wasn't clear her voice was heavy .. i saw her through a curtain, used to separate us ..
she was muslim and delivered a baby girl and seems she caught cold..

My anasthesist came to meet me. .. She was a sweet spoken and chini mini fair skinned lady ..
By this time, I had started getting goosebumps for next day's thoughts ..
and she was a gentle warmth over this fear. She decided to give me General Anasthesia..

and While leaving the room she turned and asked "do you want a boy or a girl"?

I knew its a boy for me.. "knew" means all different symptoms people knew, to guess a boy or a girl, were hinting a "boy" for me.

She said "Girls are forever with you even if they go away" and I knew/felt and always understood the truth of this sentence from my own relation ship with my mother ..

A sudden sadness groped me .. as i was going to have a boy and mostly i won't take other chance of having 2nd child.. That means i won't ever feel lifetime friendship that a daughter offers to her mother...
I slept with this lurching feeling of sadness ..

19/11/2013 - 7 am
It was my birthday ...
I was woken up, took bath, did my prayers and called my husband on phone. They were about to reach hospital.

A nurse came before operation, gave me one antibiotic injection.. which made me sneezy suddenly..
I sneezed badly, my eyes watered, i felt feverish ..
I guess, i got appropriate tearfilled look to enter in OT...........:)

I was put on stretcher, which was now rolling towards OT. I saw a glimpse of husband and others ..
Now, The only thing i wanted was him to accompany me there..

(We had discussed it many times, i always requested him to be there with me in OT. He used to resist with a reason that he won't be able to bear the site of me getting operated..)

While i was being rolled on stretcher to OT i asked him slowly .. "Would you come? "
"naaa.." he said ..
As always i could not ask more than what he willfully gives me, i accepted and moved on ..

"Hi nidhi" said my anasthesist, i had started liking her more than my gyanec.
Sometimes a small conversation with someone, leaves such a cozy impression that it seems, you are connected more than this little apparent visit.

"How are you, oh baby you caught cold what happened, do you need otrivian?.." She asked while keeping one hand on my forehead...

"This injection caused this sneeze, last time i was cured by alagra tablet, no otrivian causes blockage i am allergic.." I replied hastily, while being shifted to operation table..

"very nice patient, very obedient, very nice hubby marriage is it ?" i heard, someone said that ....

I was glad to hear that ..
I was hearing chit chat around me, i am surprised i again slept like i always sleep during different scans ..
Thank god i woke up .. they were still chatting and had not started yet, i thought.
I felt excruciating pain in lower abdomen, i tried to move but could not, my arms like tied up.. my throat jammed..
i tried to speak again "ghhh aghh "
"congratulations, its a baby girl" i heard ..someone tapped my cheek and went away...

"help help " i said

"massage" i said again

"my throat, hands" i said again

They untied my hands and held my arm.. i lifted other hand and held a hand ..
I held it tight .. as if conveying the amount of pain, that i was feeling in abdomen.

They started taking me out of OT on stretcher, i was screaming with pain.. saw Husband again ..
I could not respond what i felt.. I just let my eyes closed and was dealing with pain only ..
Someone showed me a mobile pic of first look of my daughter ..I had a look .. and again closed eyes...

I was alive in thoughts, but was not able to respond even with a smile..
I thought, there had been so many times, we(me and husband) together thought how would this day be ..
"Its there today, its so painful, i can not enjoy this feeling of motherhood.. rather i don't feel anything at the moment..."

then someone injected a pain killer injection and i went asleep...

till the next day when they called me for first Feeding session.

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