Monday, December 27, 2010

While Leaving Mumbai....

Once i scribbled here , perhaps the first post of my blog .. Entering Mumbai ..but never knew will write some day leaving mumbai too ..and the day has come going to kolkata, they call it city of joy .

Before questioning why is it called city of joy when people for finding joy in life are leaving it everyday.Does it actually happens that they find the "sought joy" somewhere else or they keep searching it everywhere but it was lying back in city of joy !! Dats a question i feel every native of kolkata bengali or nonbengali (including My husband) is struggling to find answer to .Because of the peculiar patriotism of them , they will go to all parts of country or world discarding kolkata
totally for life But even after 50 years you ask them is life ..They will plaintively say "Its naut that goood as waus in kolkota.."!!
and you cannot escape thinking what the lack has been in their life these 50 years seems all is well..

Now while leaving what i am taking with me are many learning i got to have in my initial bachelor days, spent here ..starting from very small like only from mumbai i learnt to ask rightfully, a man to leave seat , sitting on ladies seat in BEST bus.
to live life in totality, with all opportunities still opened, at any age for you.

The first thing generally people ay about mumbaikars "They are fast , no body has time for others" yes i agree !! But then i would say we really feel breach of our private space in cities where people have too much can have real description of what is happening in my life from any one in neighborhood.
perhaps people in mumbai are not good at managing so many things together, to cope up with information about people around that these encycopedia people are .

no offences meant i liked mumbai so my post might seem biased but then i am human it has right to be biased for a place which i like ...:)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Shd i do business of service ?

Do you have this question in mind ?

My answer is
If you have habbit to work more than your what you are paid, then jump into business ; else jump into service .................

i learnt from life ...........

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"Did you like something......" he asked .......

Lets accept it shamelessly ,I being not at all unusual , am a person who tries to chase each single free/discounted offer in the market.

Once i was with my husband in "Center One" mall Vashi Navi Mumbai and intended to buy a handbag.I searched many places but none was into "my range" which mostly is just a little less than what is available in that shop
Finally .....

We reached to a small crowded chinese shop with so many ladies like me searching through many items available in that shop , anything you may ask, starting from tooth brush to accessories to shoes to everything and it was there in that shop at so called "reasonable rates" .I went inside with a hope of a "reasonable price" hand bag.

And... i found one , not only one but two three all together in one corner of shop hanging together on a peg !!

I was happy i found them okay in looks and tried to take out one , but "what was that ?" i found it was heavy .It had something EXTRA inside ...with it fully free

I disentangled one bag from others and tried to judge what is there inside, by shape of object , feeling it from outside of bag..judged from its sound that it was steel sound, later recognized it must be some utensil inside and ..........

i was filled with unspoken satisfaction that finally i found a bag, in reasonable range that too with Free tiffin boxes inside ..i was happy in simple words.

I went with the bag to salesman asking for price telling that i liked it and want to buy it .

"whats d price of it ?" i asked

"Its not for sale mam .."he replied

"but why? "i asked with surprise

"They are staff bags mam ....please choose some thing else from the shop ...." he said candidly ...

I was so embarrassed and wanted to hide myself somewhere into dark pit inside ground while putting his bag back to its place.

I just rushed outside that shop where my husband was waiting and

"did you like something ?" he asked

"yes but......"i said ...............:)

...just because i cant give that love to you.....

I am sad
Not because you behaved badly ....

I am sad because
I can not give you "That immense love ...."
which i could have given today....

I love you
But i dont love habbits /ways you possess ....

I am sad
as that air of love
which when crossed me first
before reaching you ....

could not start from here itself today ....

i am sad not because you behaved badly ...
its your concern

i am sad
because i am devoid of that immense love
i could have given you today .........

भूल से भूल हो गयी.........

ऐसा लगता है की
ऐसा सा लगता हैं की
खुद ही खुद को खुद ही के हाथो से
निकलते देख रही हूँ
खुद ही के हाथो से
फिसलते देख रही हूँ ...

संभाले ना संभल रही हैं
बस जिंदगी का दिया और ....
बाटी धीरे धीरे जल रही हैं
धीरे धीरे जल रही हैं
धीरे धीरे जल रही हैं .........

खुद ही की डोर जो हाथ से सरकती सरकती ..
रोकना चाह उछाल लगायी ...
भागी दौड़ी सब जान लगायी ..
संभाले ना वोह तब संभलती ...बस सरकती सरकती ...
ना जाने कब ........

बस पतंग को ढीले पड़ते हुए देखा ..
गिरते हुए धीरे धीरे कट कर
खुद की पतंग मैं देख रही हूँ ....
फिर लगता की .............

जब बाती में ज़िन्दगी से लड़ने की शक्ति थी ...
जब डोर हाथो में संभल सकती थी
तब ही उस दीपक तले ....
सपनो की चादर बुन लेती तो अच था ...
तब ही उस पतंग को आकाश की
असीम ऊंची दुनिया से मिलवाती तो अच्छा था

आज हवा चलेगी ..और बाती का तेल जलने लगेगा ..
कभी वर्षा शायद बाती को ....समय निकलने का एहसास दिलाने लगे .......
आज शायद ...हवा रुख पलट ले ...
और मेरी पतंग ...को समय के आगे झुकने का एहसास दिलाने लगे ...
और मुझे मेरी नासमझी में छूटी हुई लगाम का एहसास दिलाने लगे ..

भूल से भूल हो गयी
पर समय तो बस चलता ही रहता हैं
चलता ही रहता हैं ....वोह अपनी रफ़्तार में ...
फिर आवाज लगा कर मुझे पूछता की
तुम पीछे क्यों रह गयी ...
तुम पीछे क्यों रह गयी ...

बस मैं यही कह पायी की
भूल से भूल हो गयी ............
भूल से भूल हो गयी ............

irony that confuses ..

जहा सूखे घडो के ढेर को
लम्बी क़तर में मुह चिड़ाते
देखा प्यासी रोती सूखी आँखों ने
कुआ सूखा , नल है सूखा
चिलचिलाती धुप जलाती
गीली जीभ को भी सूखा रही है

सूखी घास पानी में गूंथे
बूखी रोती मुनिया , छाती पर बांधे
खाली बर्तन टन टन करते टंकार
कर्जा रुपी काली डायन , सीने पर कर रही झंकार
पर बापू किसान , चंद घंटे पहले
आत्महत्या का हुआ शिकार

सड़के कच्ची, बिजली न पहुंचे
भयंकर गरीबी जबड़ो में दबोचे
शिक्षा स्कूल ना समझे जरूरी
बीवी बचो संग , जम कर करो मजूरी ,

तब कोई कहता मेरा देश में कमी है
कमी देश में पानी की और अन्न की
और सबसे भारी कमी धन की ...

यह सच्चाई नहीं , पर है एक सरल बहाना
कमी कमी का डंका बजा कर , ५ साल तक कुर्सी ज़माना
प्रपंच गडा जाता है , कमी का भयंकर
भुवन भवन गगन चूमते , बनते जाते उनके समय पर

क्योंकि जहा एक तरफ का भारत प्यासा
दूजी तरफ है नग्न तमाशा
झुण्ड रैन डांस में नाचे
खेतो का पानी , पैसे वाले नाचने को खींचे

क्योंकि जहा एक तरफ का भारत भूखा
वही सड़कर गलकर ढेरो टन में
फेंका जाता कनक गट्टर में
जहा मुनिया रोये निवाले को एक
भर्ष्टाचार निगले वह मुनिया अनेक

जहा एक तरफ मेरा देश गरीब , कमी धन की जहा बड़ी है
खेलो का बहाना बनाकर , करोड़ो की लूट मची है

स्तादियम फ्ल्योवर ब्रिज और सड़के
पैसो की ज्यों बाड है आई , कहते खुद को फिर भी कड़के

कभी नाम पर चारे के ,कभी नाम पर बन्दूको के
कभी नाम पर खेलो के ,खाया खाया कितना खाया ,
लोभ की गोली खायी, और दुश्चरित्र के चूरन से सब पचाया

यु शर्म करे और सोचे खुद में

जवाब क्या देंगे गर पूछे
मुनिया किसना सुखिया हम से
क्या देश है तुम्हारी निजी जायदाद
लूटा खसोटा भेडियो सा , देख का बस अपना स्वार्थ

एक स्तादियम हजार करोड का
भर पायेगा क्या पेट हमारा

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


The way, rigidity towards customs/culture/language, madden us, when coming generations don't own them, it gud that we forget everything in reincarnation

Monday, August 9, 2010

i love you

love you ........
but dont ask me if i loved
then why i m not there with you

then it hurts to think of all
and me alone here .. alone without you

still i can say i love you

what do i do
its so impossible to not think about you

what do i do
its tough to forget you
even for a minute ...
even when i am at work ..
even when i am not at work ..
life is giving continuous jerk
reminding of you ......

what do i do .......................
i have nothing else ...
than saying i love you

dont mistrust me , It hurts
i am alone, kindly learn ...
i am helpless now ...
wanting and losing other see ...

i question him ...
why do i have always cried...
dont i have right to get satisfied....

i will say take care
that comes from my every breath
when i think of you ...
be safe and happy even if you are not here ...take care...

i love you , as far i know myself
i will love you far as i know myself
may god help you ....

there hasnt been a single day,
when i have not done my all ..
in making your things best ,
tried to be a strength of yours ...
in spring and fall ....

thats what i feel ...
though from your side
it might not be something that can heal ...

kindly understand...
its time i need you ...
a lot more than ever ....
please be with me ....
i know you are away ...much more away
very far than ever ....

still maximum we can gift each other
is a continuous smile....
just because we love ....
so only we can smile .....
smile ............lets try to smile ...............

take care you

Monday, July 5, 2010

one reason , why computer program is not as good as we humans (gadha majdoors )

Its a sorry state that
as much as people can be tweaked beyond requirement spec,
a software can not be!!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

We are happy at 10 pm and sad at 6 am ...

We are sometimes happy when we sleep, as when we sleep we are close to those things which are so difficult to get when we are awake.
we can feel them,we get same pleasure which we will obtain, when actually we will get them enjoy sleeping and dreaming ...its gud yaar ......

Monday, June 28, 2010

i see you ....

i see you ..

i realize that when

your existence becomes easy
then i think of all things that are starry ;
things other than you seem more cheesy !!

but at a time

when your existence itself becomes
the highest i can ask for ......
then those lavish desires seem so useless
i have 'want' for ........

i see you when i sit alone there
on same table holding a glass of juice

i see you when i feel same smell in air
and wind blow in the same speed

i see you when i see colors suddenly around me
if ever i lift my face while walking down there ....

i see you when i cross the place you used to sit
and the stairs where you crossed me to go ahead

i see you , when i feel like holding an arm ,
just above the elbow , it was a bit rough out there
the roughness assured me that it was there .....

i see you , when i , suddenly stepped towards work
there was that bus you used to get down,
come towards me , in all fights even
waiting just there for me , with a smile as a crown !!

i feel you .. when i go back ,
suddenly find you are sitting there once a while ,
on some of the random seat ........
passing a smile ...........

i see you when its tough and heavy for my arms
i see you when there is not a single ear
to hear my qualms .................

i see you when my door opens suddenly , just before lunch
when there is no one to pay for my brunch

when its unknownness in each eye
i feel you were there when its too far you
just like that far moon in sky .................

but the difference is
you are now more with me in each moment
than you were ever before
as its
when your existence itself becomes
the highest i can ask for ......

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

what people will remember about me

i have learned that people will forget what you said , people will forget what you did , but people will never forget how you made them feel !!

Monday, June 7, 2010

It may not be apparent -- but i have possibilities ...

We know ourselves only that much as is told by people around us , about us.

I know myself, assuring it i make a statement about myself, based on the few events i remember involving me.
But those are only "events",its not necessary that for same event our reaction will be same next time too.For a particular event our reaction is sum of total state of mind , people, environment at that particular time.That doesnt give us a factual knowledge about who we are .
Resultantly when we make a statement about us, we feel doubtful, Am i like that ? will i always behave like that ?
And then in our doubtful state , people around us overpower our thoughts, start controlling our image in our eyes.We start trusting what they tell us , about who we are !!

Now important point is, That observation by people is again based on just events.Still we trust
it and make it truth of our life.

How could someone summarize me when i am, who is living every moment with myself, is so unsure about me?
"you cant do it.I know you "As My friend tells me......
How could someone know me in entirety? There can be thousand unraveled aspects of mine,
with which i might do wonders, which might falsify him totally ...... Yes it may ...

But before pointing anyone for inducing self inferiority in me ... i should ask myself ....At this stage of life , some very simple but pertinent questions ..

Why have i stopped experimenting,exploring with new things, considering benchmarks of my life's few good/bad experiences ? Does getting more experience mean becoming so rigidly intellectual that we dont give IT a try at least ?How can i assume its all i know about "me" and nothing more than that is left which will astonish me ?

Do i dare to meddle with unknown today, as i used to when i was single ?Moreover Did i dare to play with frightening unknowns as i could when i was a child ?

It seems then i was naive on earth wrapped in innocence of childhood , could take any challenge. As i dint know stairs once but without making long risk analysis i tried it yeah!! i just tried it once and many more times..I remember falling from my bicycle so many times before i could just ride it in my street, from one end to other, smoothly.
Important thing is falling at that time never added more weight to my shoulders as it does today , rather it excited me wonderfully.
As growing old on the earth , i am becoming more aware , i am becoming more knowledgeable , with that i am becoming more fearful.yes in very simple words FEARFUL......

Sounds so unfamiliar may be "Whom do i fear ?" One might question ...
I say "from everything..." we have stopped living with free spirit , have stopped being IMPROMPTU Its planning planning planning --- for everything is result of fear, we have, from everything that has possibility to happen in future.

I myself felt my whole day goes in maintaining tiny things ,pending lists of tasks, so that life next day goes smooth , but then i stop and wonder .. Where has life lost in between ????? .........................

Things to organize life, so that we can enjoy later, has consumed whole life itself ...
One of my friend spends time in cleanliness of house to the extent that before she gets time to enjoy that cleanliness turn of next round of cleanliness comes :)
Even I myself sometime while exercising tire myself so much , that when it comes time to work with "that healthy body" i tend to sleep .....
you know someone said .....i spent whole life in stringing and unstringing my guitar to play best music piece some day.

in brief what i mean to say we will have to see priority of things to see our " possibilities" , Certain things are just to smoothen flow of life that is not LIFE itself

We should wake up knowing that its a new life of one day span and sleep thinking one life is over That means Every day i should balance between Enjoyment and Work and instead of leaving enjoyment pending for some other day, some other month OR to some other unpredictable but Planned year !! .

Should hug challenges with the excitement of seeing unknown colors of life as after every such challenge i come out more stronger.Should not anticipate my capabilities and should never even let others to do that
as its impossible to anticipate what i am upto

.........and simplest funda is live everyday Fully ...
enjoy it love everyone around Its too small span of life to hate people ... Love and stay happy Enjoy what we do ............

what surprises me!!

A man whom everyone saw that he killed people brutally in open. Still it took 1 year to prove the same .Not even that same thing will have to be proved right again in all higher courts now !!
I think .. What would be fate of those killers who kill secretly.
Poor criminal will have to wait long for judgement in indian courts
on the pretext of democracy in india.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

"what do you think ..he was conducting a survey "he said ..

Its when, i was traveling from Mumbai to Madras for IIT interview after clearing GATE exam.I boarded the train at 3 pm from CST.
Now at around 8 pm a man with pen & paper was coming from other end of my compartment, asking loudly from every one "veg or nonveg ? ".
I, as you might find it difficult to believe, got not at all confused and replied
that I was VEG from my side upper seat .Okay it went well and as it went well, I slept then.

Now at 9 pm that man came again,tapped me and offered me a plate of dinner.
Me coming out of sleep, peeped out of blanket told him "thanks i dont require .".
He said "require means you have ordered it . you will have to take it"
"when did i order dinner and why will i, i have got home made food with me " I said.
"you only told an hour ago " said a guy, sitting on side lower seat , looking surprisingly upwards at me, bending outward from his seat .
"No i dint !! "i told with exclamation
"You said vegeterian " he told
"Oh that i said , but not that i need food......"
"Was he asking for food order then ? "i asked hush hush voice while understanding that i ordered food unknowingly.
" What did you think ? He was conducting a survey, of veg/nonveg people, here in train ? " everyone laughed at his question to me
they all understood it must be my first journey in train .
"I thought he is asking everyone , and everyone is replying, so did i ..." i was so embarrassed.
and i took food quietly.

but till date i remember, how funny was to declare my vegetarian status, when i had no intention of ordering food .:)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

a part of me ...

a part of me wants to cry aloud .
a part of me ..........

everytime i open eyes in conscience
a part of me seems deeply dumped in sadness...

a part of me is urging disobediently.. to forget and bring back the time....
its craving for a old normal day together....

a part of me without you is lonely even in stuffed crowd ..
It fears from facing even slightest jerk of life...

a part of me is throwing tantrums
to play hide and seek with times and demand to play only hide part .

a part of me is confused everytime i wake up ....
about why its aching with no visible wound there
and why my eyes are ready to get wet ....

a part of me cruelly fills me with disappointment dissatisfaction & anger
in a moment ...
from you sometimes ...from me but at last from my fate ....

a part of me is going away from me
leaving me alone , coz that part had priorities over me ...
it wants to be happy through something away from me...

a part of me wants to be coddled like so many times earlier
but with same eternal assurance as earlier.

a part of me is making me weak time and again
unbearably leaking with tears in eyes

a part of me feels waste to cry now things have permanently changed now.......

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Me , my husband and SRK Vs Amitabh

if you are true indian must be a fan of bollywood and cricket and if you are fan of cricket then you must be fan of sachin tendulakar OR if you are a bollywood freak then you HAVE to be fan of Amitabh that's what i learnt after my marriage.

This is about me who had no interest in watching movies before i got married, for me it was a waste of precious time which i could spend deep in either slumber or in my self help books. But you know, you will see that Its some trick of God that he makes two opposite poles to get married so that those joke books which are getting high sales on the basis of "miya biwi jokes" keep getting sold.
But in any case It happens...that's an undeniable fact .I have couples of my age all around me, cribbing over their differences in nature. Sometimes i feel, how bad GOD must be in organizing people, For If i can see that husband of couple 'X' suits more to wife of couple 'Y' then why cant he see the simple fact !! ..
But i guess he also enjoys these little mirchi fights and why wont he ? If i was given a chance
to edit BIG BOSS to make it a bit better then Would i ever remove those mirchi masala fights no never !! Everyone enjoys them ..May be god also is enjoying challenges in his worldly game by bringing unlike people together and
On the other side who knows what all differences then would have come into light when these two similar looking would have been together ..
Actually there is nothing that exist and called "perfect matching couple" as once i read in a mail that "Happily Married" is an oxymoron(is a combination of words wherein two words are opposite in meaning from each other).
Oh i forgot yeah i was telling about my routine face to face struggle with amitabh bachchan in small house of mine.

Its like I mistakenly dared to like SRK as many girls like me do.Now my husband, as must be "diamond clear" till now, was in opposite party. A movie "chak de india" got released just after our union in the 'lifetime bond of marriage' but at that time i wasnt much aware of the other affair of my husband (yeah i dont mind mentioning it now , i accepted it very soon that its there). But i realized it when i heard all criticism of SRK's chak de india as of every other movie which i ever liked in my life, Of SRK , like devdas etc and eulogy for Big B.
But surprising was the fact that critics in papers were praising movie but the only critic who used to criticise movie, was in my house.
Then slowly i got to know the actual reason behind that low rating of "chak de india" in my house.It was, no wonder no doubt that i was dwelling in Amitabh bachchan ji's ilaakaa(in hindi) .

If he doesnt mind me disclosing it then you know sometimes i feel he has some past life relationship with Big B.As slowly his walking,speaking,dressing ,dancing everything has started resembling to Big B more than what abhishek bachchan's does.

From then any movie means you can name any movie in which Big B is there we used to watch it in mutiplex on the pretext of good movie .As if he can never be in a flop movie and vice versa is also true.
The Most interesting part of story is My husband never accepts frankly that its amitabh only he is going for.What he claims is Movie is so good
"From past 1 year everyone says its gonna be Big B's best performance ever !! What dhamaka BIg B will do this time!!"
You can clearly see shine in his eyes for his all time love , inflated pupils, childlike excitement, oblivious of all hullabaloo of life. There has been times when we were in non talking terms but because of BIg B's new release he patched up so that we could go together to watch it.On similar lines there has been times when we are so cozy in every term and i tried to prove exaggerated hype of BIG B and ended up with divorcing chaos between us.

Still in his words "its not for BIG B, we are watching movie just because its a good movie".
As all Men you know, they cant give up on ego. Then i gave into his likings and accepted whole heartedly that Big B is the BEST.
Now My man says "see i told you even my younger brother Sonu accepted one day that Big B is best ...even you have accepted it now ..everyone will some day."
Then i thought of course sneakingly "i can understand what all torture Sonu had to go through when he would not be liking Big B" .............
Then i would say its not that without reason i call him GANGSTER ....... :)

he would kill me if he reads it .................

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I want to die on a single day !

"Go after knowledge and pursue your interest , success will follow you " says aamir khan in movie "3 idiots".I felt like someone has given words and strength to my dormant malnourished thoughts.
i loved these words as for once i felt that enough is enough!!
After conceding to facts that are scribbled in Hindu scriptures that "i am there forever after this life too" i still would like to state to my parents, to society in which i habitated and to everyone around me that i can see and remember only what's happening with me in this life.
I have one life given to me with the simplest intention by HIM is to "be happy ". But in the hard effort of trying to be happy, i started traversing regions which society considers, will make me happy and i kept on telling myself time and again that i am happy in that only.

I forgot that its me running after success can be easily successful if i start enjoying what i am doing .Then i decided
that i want to study and work only what interests me .
Now at least i would read what i enjoy .I would not let any more days in craving for something else and indulged in doing something else.I would live and die doing what i enjoy most .

May be i am not most affluent person at end time but i will be really happy that i am dying on only the actual day not each day when i was given a chance to live.
1)woh taiyaar hain sehne ko har gum, ek agli saans ki chah mein
aur hum hain ki har gum par, khudkushi kar rahe hai ..

2)when i want to talk -- i ask for your time my dear 
when we get  time, i ask for your mood to bear
when we have mood and time, i ask for your patience to hear
when we have time mood and patience ---

i say my deep grim story -- of my long caressed dreams --
not  only of career but also of relation love gleams

so long i waited silently for this moments when you are there
to be with my soul moaning for a friend from long with tears

when i find you angry on slightest of talk..
i feel like i have no one who is mine , here
i feel like you are leaving me alone there
i feel like keeping quiet wasn't that tough
the one i face now is more rough

again i go into silence
waiting for my dear friend, lost in woods of work & his duties

where from this anger has come
that has made you turn a deaf ear
to my call
where from this feeling come which
asks me to go very far, very very far instead of
longing to stay with you for whole life
till HIS call.

i feel like my love is no where now
i feel like i am there just like that, there now
i feel like its not the right way of life i lead
i feel like there is so much more we can have ..
so much has changed ,a little softer heart to understand
is all i NEED

i am alone , i will be left alone ,