Sorry I was busy.

Starting my day at 5.30 am energetically, followed by waking up my daughter and leaving house at exact 7.30 am with packed tiffin, breakfast, fruits nuts hanging in tupperwares all around me.

From there meeting schedulers, work commitments, expiring reminders, kathak class, weekend zumbas, physiotherapy, spiritual discourses, latest addiction to statistics and my life was running at high pace with high hopes and disappointments which went altogether.

This saturday after my zumba class, i got applauded for possessing incomparable energy and then i felt creeping headache and lethargy by afternoon. Sunday felt feverish.. The first worry was of important commitments for Monday which i did not want to miss.

Monday came, i took a day's leave from office reluctantly, promised some delay in my work. Tuesday i was diagnosed with malaria and i was off.

There were phases i went through during this 1 month when i was absent from everyone life who was associated to me.

Malaria did not cure, it came along with an accomplice which got revealed after 12 days of fever, that's Typhoid. I encountered worst fever cycles, bursts of stomach cramps, sleepless shivering under blankets, painful channeling and i surrendered myself slowly to this slowdown of life that one night.

Initially first few days, i grumbled for missing a conference, few work opportunities. Slowly i chartered a list of people i had grudges against for not showing enough sympathy as per my expectations. All this went away that night when i watched that wall clock and its lethargically moving hands whole night.

My 103.8F fever was not coming down and hospital was adamant on not giving any more paracetamol. They experimented with ice bath, ice bed, ice pillow, ice armpit block all that to ensure i suffer from cold and cough additionally that night.

I realized, emptiness of everything i had till date. Those freezing restless feet, with fever rising on head, everything else seemed worthless than those soft hands of someone rubbing my feet at midnight so that i could breath normally for few moments.

I felt its so many days i am absent from my work, my books, my health sessions, my classes and my family. It used to give me tonnes of stress to miss any of these even for a day. I am ABSENT and freely lying in that bed.
I was ABSENT and everything was still fine. Nothing broke, Nothing waited, Nothing felt me as important as i felt i was for all these.

My team at work found alternates, my friends felt my absence was nothing noticeable, my parents/siblings had heard enough busy stories from me that they felt it usual, my daughter accommodated with love others gave and things adjusted to my absence much sooner than i could imagine.

Did i feel sad, bad ? Actually i felt free. I felt good!!

It was like i forgave everyone from my grudges list, it felt worthless to shelter it anymore.
I loved people who were there for me helping me to heal.

In those lighter moments i enjoyed a reminders free life. A reckless, directionless, hopeless, a bit of life full of just life.
I watched TV without caring for endless hours getting wasted in slothful activities.

I realized, i am not a indispensable piece in life's zigsaw puzzle. It all will run, will go smooth and soon the gap will be filled....

Things don't need me to be worried and active to take care of them all the time. Its okay if i delay a mail's response for some time, it all went smooth without me for 30 days. Its okay if i take rest.

I realized though my work helps me financially, but that soft touch is precious when needed in life. That love and care which is there in loved ones is most valuable and should be valued in fine days too.

I wanted to call a few lost friends, wish some of them a happy birthday for past years i missed, i replied to a few wtsapp pending messages after long and i wished a few to get well soon.

I felt playing throw and catch with my daughter again was nothing less than a blessing, i thanked with tears for digesting my first bite of parantha after starving for days, i felt sleeping with family, getting a painless full stomach sleep was a boon.

I realized, life has expanse beyond than my own made boundaries.

i can stay light and just love and live.